Letters to Our Children: Lessons on Love, Strength, and Purpose

Being a parent is the greatest privilege—and the hardest journey—I’ve ever faced. Each of my children has taught me something unique about love, resilience, and hope. These letters are my attempt to capture what I want you to know—not just today, but as you grow, and as I continue learning how to love you the best I can.

Letter to Our Oldest: On Love That Cannot Be Bought

Dear Bud,

I know I didn’t give birth to you, but you were the first little one to make me a mother. I remember so vividly when your mommy reached out and told me how much she loves you, and how she would always welcome anyone into her children’s lives who would be good to them—someone who would love them like their own.

That I did. And I still do, every single day.

I know your childhood hasn’t been easy. You remember a time when mommy and daddy were together, but most of your growing-up years have been with me as your bonus mom. I know it hasn’t always been simple. Sometimes my stricter ways of parenting clashed with mommy’s, and I was brand new to motherhood—trying to figure it out as I went. I’m sorry for the mistakes I’m sure I made along the way.

Still, I’ve always been grateful for the ways we are connected. Even though our biology is different, we’ve shared some of the same struggles—like anxiety and the fear of change. I felt such a closeness to you in those moments, especially when maybe daddy didn’t quite understand. I remember when we told you that you’d be a big brother again—how much joy that brought you. You took on that role with such pride and care.

I’ll never forget one memory that sums up who you are: I was pregnant and sick, and you stood outside the bathroom, worried but calm. When I finally came out, there you were, just ten years old, holding a Gatorade you had pulled from the outside fridge—because you wanted to make sure I was okay. That moment told me everything about your heart. Even now, when I’m juggling things or struggling with one of the younger kids, you still look at me and say, “Do you need any help?”

I’ve watched you grow into a confident young man. I admire your self-awareness, your bravery to step away from a sport that no longer brought you peace, and your perseverance to push harder when schoolwork starts to slide. I’m proud of the good friends you’ve chosen, and I love that you don’t take life too seriously.

I know the news of us—our struggles—shook you to your core. I think you saw us as a balance of imperfection and love, proof that love could overcome anything. And in many ways, we are. But here’s the truth: love—real love—isn’t black and white. The scars carried long before rings were exchanged can wear down even the strongest couple. Mistakes—ones made out of shame, fear, or brokenness—can’t always be undone. Some are too painful to share openly, even with the people we love most.

I’ve wondered if knowing every detail would change how you see us. Would you be disappointed? Would you look at us differently? Would it change how you view love?

But here’s what I want you to hold onto: every person makes mistakes—even mommies and daddies. And one day, you will too. But when it comes to love, here is what I want you to never forget…

Love cannot be bought.
It’s earned.

People may try to give us things or fill a void with possessions, but those things aren’t love. When I leave this world, I want your daddy’s hand in mine. No gift, no possession, no grand gesture could ever compare to the choice of his touch, every single day.

I want you to carry this truth with you moving forward: pay attention to the people in your life. Are they trying to buy your affection, or are they filling your soul? Are they showing up for you—not just when it’s easy, but when it’s hard? Love is proven in presence, not presents.

This lesson may be hard to understand at your age, and I get that. I know you’ve seen the hurt in your daddy’s tears, and you’ve seen the smile he puts on too. What I need you to know is that he is still your superhero. He’s broken right now, but he’s healing. No distraction, possession, or gift can fix what he’s going through. The love we share—the love you’ve seen—is still there. It will always be there, waiting for him when he’s able to forgive himself and face you.

He compares himself to you, his son, and he’s afraid to admit his mistakes. But I believe your relationship with God will help him see that no matter what he’s done, your love for him won’t change. You need to know that he hides his brokenness to protect the way you see him, but that’s a burden you don’t need to carry. Allow him to be imperfect. Imperfect, but prayerful. Imperfect, but healing.

I know his heart, and I know it can’t fully heal without your grace. I love you so much, and I hope you’ll hold onto this lesson: perfection is not the secret. Honesty, forgiveness, and unconditional love are. These are the truths that will guide you in your future relationships. They are also the truths I’m holding onto as I wait for him to come back to me.

Love,

L

Each of you has a different place in my heart, and my love and lessons grow with you. What I share with you, my middle and youngest, may differ in focus, but it comes from the same heart.

Letter to Our Middle: On Scars, Strength, and Grace

Dear Baby,

We are so blessed to have such a beautiful, strong, and loving young lady in our lives. I know mommy, daddy and I protect you because you have a heart that hurts for others. You are the kind of person who takes on the pain you imagine others are going through while dealing with your own struggles—loyalty in friendships, social pressures of being a girl, and having a lot to say but being scared to share it because you don’t want to hurt anyone. More than your siblings, my heart aches for you most. The reality you’ve always known has been shattered at one of the hardest times in a young lady’s life.

Mommy and I worry about you. Will this change in your world make you question love, relationships, or your own value in them? Unlike most in the family, we are tuned into your attention to detail. You notice things others may ignore or choose to overlook. Sometimes I wish you didn’t have this trait, that you wouldn’t bear the weight of noticing what others hide. This burden was never something I wished for you.

You’ve always been our strong-willed baby, never afraid to speak your mind. Now, being so hurt and quiet may be keeping you from fully processing this difficult time. I want you to know, as a female, I wouldn’t change a thing—good or bad—that happened between me and daddy. When he found me, he was my person and always will be. Just like one day you’ll know when you find your person. I hope I can show you that sometimes love isn’t easy.

Love and finding your person is magical—but you won’t see the scars on their heart that existed before you met them. They may not even know those scars are there. And unfortunately, once you share a life together, that’s when you are tested as a couple. Daddy has scars. My own scars from past trauma once blinded me from being there for him the way he needed.

I know you may not see Daddy as a superhero the way your brothers do—because a girl sees her daddy through a different lens—but when he looks at you, he feels like he’s broken your heart too. He sees a young lady that, if treated the same way by someone else, he would want to protect. He’s scared of disappointment—not because he doesn’t think you’ll forgive him, but because he struggles to forgive himself. He thinks he must be perfect, but God never intended perfection. He wants us to strive to be better, ask for forgiveness for our sins, and do better.

You are allowed to express your emotions—hurt, disappointment, fear of what’s to come. You can do this when you are ready, and pair it with the grace and understanding your daddy needs to see. When people get lost in their mistakes, it changes them, makes them afraid to face the truth. You know the truth, and though it breaks my heart, I also know you will be strong—for him and for yourself.

You may doubt yourself and wonder why people act the way they do. That’s normal. Your heart is good, and God is protecting it, guiding it to be stronger—not just for you, but for everyone lucky enough to have you in their lives.

I want you to know that nothing in this world could ever take away how much you are loved.

You are seen, even in moments you try to hide your pain.

You are heard, even when you stay quiet to protect others.

And you are treasured—not because of what you carry for everyone else, but because of who you are.

I believe God has placed a special flame inside you, one that will only grow stronger as you walk through life. Hold onto that flame. Trust it when people try to snuff it out, and let it remind you that you are never alone. No matter what happens, you will always have a family-first heart inside you, and parents who thank God every single day that He made us yours.

Love you,

Bonus Mom

And to my youngest, you carry a piece of all our hearts in a way that makes me see my purpose every single day.

Letter to Our Youngest: On Purpose, Protection, and Love

Dear My Purpose,

Your world has changed in ways you can’t yet imagine. You were made from two people hurt by their past, but with so much love that you exude it to everyone around you effortlessly. You don’t know it yet, but you are the reason I’m still breathing. I know I wouldn’t have survived this storm if I didn’t believe that leaving would have hurt you more.

At first, I operated only in what’s best for you—how could I protect you from knowing anything? When you’re old enough to read this, I’m sure you’ll ask why I hid the truth from you. I’ll own that when the time comes. Right now, the only reason mommy and daddy live in two separate homes is because “mommy and daddy like two separate houses!”You’ve only known love.

Though scars from our past caused us to struggle as a couple, we were always united in never arguing or fighting in front of you. You don’t know what broken love looks like. I kept that fairy tale alive for as long as possible.

What you didn’t know is that my heart was shattered into pieces smaller than your Legos. You didn’t see this because I cried in the shower, on the way to work, or faked injuries to shed tears and so sweetly you would come comfort me. I never wanted you to see me heartbroken by the other person you love so much.

I healed and grew at a rate unimaginable to most because you were my purpose. I couldn’t fall apart—you needed me. I was your safe place. God guided my healing, helping me do the next right thing for your heart, my heart, and to lead daddy’s heart back to knowing the love we share. It hasn’t been easy. I compromised my boundaries and accepted behaviors I shouldn’t have—until I became strong enough to demand the love I deserve.

Why do I know this? Because of you—my purpose. You’ve always loved me the most. I know you love daddy, too, and you’ve protected our love. You’ve never liked sharing my hugs or kisses, even when daddy and I were together. At first this was funny; later it became clarity. God put the love you have for me in your heart to show me the love I deserve. Your heart knew when daddy wasn’t loving me the way I needed to be loved.

I know I can’t protect you forever. One day, you may face cruel realities. I will cry with you and hold you through them. You may have to forgive daddy for things beyond your control, and I know you will. You will stand up for me and tell me thank you for keeping your childhood free from fighting, ugliness, and pain. You will learn what it means to treat a lady even when it’s hard—and I’m grateful I could survive for you, my purpose, my reason for loving unconditionally.

Love you,

Mommy

Each of you teaches me about love in a different way. With my oldest, I see the lessons of integrity and trust. With my middle, I witness strength and grace in the face of pain. And with my youngest, I am reminded daily of why love is my purpose. My hope is that these letters guide you, inspire you, and remind you that no matter the challenges life brings, love, truth, and family-first hearts will always hold us together.